A simple event happened a little while ago and has stuck out in my head ever since. I was out with my father and someone came over to talk to him. This person knew both of us well but for the duration of their conversation, I was unacknowledged. There were other people around so I was only half listening to the conversation and afterwards my dad explained a little of what was going on. It was a family friend and had to do with business, so I didn’t much mind, but I remember how it made me feel.

Being the quieter type, I never liked being the center of attention, preferring to observe rather than join in to whatever was happening around me at the time. Now that I have a bit of life experience and can hold a conversation without much trouble, this struck me a little more than it normally would have. We’ve all had those bad days where we just wanted to crawl under a rock, or just go lay in bed and not have to deal with anything but what we may not realize is just how much our state of mind can affect those around us.

Say you were out and about and having a bad day and you saw someone you knew but they just looked right through you as if you didn’t exist. What then? How much worse would you feel? Possibly like you aren’t worth the time or effort for a simple acknowledgment of your existence. All of us impact the world every day, doing what we do, but that impact only takes place through interactions, namely with other people. Sure we walk or drive by countless others throughout our daily life and don’t say a word as they blend into all the rest and it won’t affect either person. What will though, for good or ill, are the interactions with those we do know. A smiling hello, or a scowl from a bad mood can affect others more than we think. If we feel like we don’t matter to those who know us, how will we then treat those we know nothing about? This can then extend outward. A bad day just got worse because now you don’t even feel validated as a person.

It will be different for everyone, but what if you, say, don’t have many friends, or any in fact? You may start feeling worthless as a person, like nobody sees you and nobody cares. We’ve all heard stories about kids going through school and maybe they were bullied or an outcast, and it just got to be too much. Then they went and did the unthinkable. Those stories are heartbreaking, but the fix is so so easy. Be kind. Be kind to those you do know and be kind to those you do not. And most importantly, be kind when it’s the last thing on your mind and when it’s the hardest thing to do.

We all make snap decisions about people automatically depending on how they look, what they wear, what they drive, but what we are really seeing is one simple peek of a multilayered person, and we are judging them on that. How different would that lonely students life be if even one person befriended them? If they felt seen and cared about and like they mattered? We as people tend to group around those with like interests, and more often than not, it’s unpopular to be seen with these “outcast” types (I’ve felt like that myself at various points in my own life). But really, why does that even matter? I know I know, try explaining that to a young teen who is going through it at the time, but there are those who, even at a young age, will just get it and the opinions of others don’t even enter the equation. Sadly even some adults do not understand this, and carry the clique attitude from high school to college and beyond.

So back to having a bad day. What if that person didn’t completely ignore you and instead came up and talked to you, asking the ‘how are you’ question, but actually wanted to know and cared enough to listen. Most of us will just go with the, ‘fine, how are you?’ reply, but if that person knows you well enough and can see that you aren’t indeed ‘fine’, they will sincerely want to know more. These are the people who stand out to us the most, as family or friends, but why stop at that?

Recently on my last stop in Banff, I was walking on a trail by the Bow River and as I approached a woman sitting on a bench, she put her head in her hands. She wasn’t crying but looked possibly upset. As she was on the phone, I didn’t want to say anything and be a bother. However, there was another woman with two young girls on bikes going the other way and I looked back after they had passed by. This second woman stopped and, I’m guessing, asked the first how she was doing, regardless of the phone. I was too far to hear but by her reaction, everything must have actually been okay.

THIS is what we need more of.

Not only caring about those we know, but having the awareness and empathy to notice what is going on around us. It isn’t the hardest thing to see someone may not be having the best day, but what can one person do about it? Sure it may be awkward to go up to a stranger and ask if they are ok, and there’s no guarantee they will actually tell you anything, but you can be sure they will remember you for at least the rest of the day. If you do ask, you may make a new friend, or possibly even save someone’s life, if their day is going that badly and that’s the direction of their thoughts.

We all want to be seen, noticed and acknowledged, even if we don’t admit it. This may not always be easy with the busy lives we lead, but I’m constantly reminding myself to see others, not just as objects in my path, but as real people with complex lives. Heck, it doesn’t take any extra time or effort to smile at someone and say hello, or compliment them on something as they walk by. You will at least get a ‘thanks’ and a smile, or you may just get ignored, but at least you tried.

So was I upset at not being acknowledged? Of course not, but now I keep it in mind when I’m out. I can’t say I’ve saved someone’s life from saying hi to them, and doing so won’t affect most people other than a ‘hi’ back, but maybe one day I will see someone who feels invisible, and to them it will matter. We probably won’t even know it, but it could be a turning point in that person’s life. We do affect those around us, the majority of the time without even knowing it.

Be friendly and kind to others. Say hello with a big smile and open arms if that’s what you do. If you don’t feel like smiling, a simple nod will suffice. You may just lift someone’s spirits, and then they, in turn, can do the same for someone else. Chances are it will come back around, when you yourself, need it the most.